Lord Noel Likes Doing 'IT' With A Computer

Whatto! Geek types..... 

I have been recently experiencing enormous problems with my previously 'friendly' computer!

Maybe it's reaching puberty?......

....or perhaps it needs an MOT of some sort?......

....so I have sought advice from some jolly nice chaps known as 'Nerds' who have been awfully helpful........

....their advice is the reason why I am currently able to converse with you through this electronic medium.

But what I have found out ........

....has shocked me to the CORE!

Apparently........

....(and this information comes straight from the Nerds)....

....computers are continually doing 'IT'!

I asked them what they meant by.... 'IT'.......and they said that because computers are ALWAYS doing 'IT'......and they simple can't STOP doing 'IT'..........then anything to do with them is referred to as 'IT'!

.....YES!

ABSOLUTELY AMAZING isn't it!?

....and did you know that they OFTEN do 'IT' with other computers too!

Sometimes they don't even KNOW the other computers involved!

Imagine doing 'IT' with complete STRANGERS!!

I find the idea quite distasteful!

BUT....

....it gets WORSE!

Apparently I have been sitting here for hours with my innocuous electronic friend WITHOUT ANY PROTECTION!............

I honestly didn't realise I NEEDED any!

Not only that....... but my seemingly innocent friend......

..... has (all this time) been continually monitoring.......

...... my HARD DRIVE!

I know!....

...the idea completely disgusts me!

I have now been told that the CONTINUAL and UNABATED activity of my flirty friend.......

.....could well have caused him to contract some sort of VIRUS!

My GOD!.....

....I was horrified!

Bird flu?........... Swine fever?........... Thrush?

The shame I feel is so great...........

.....I don't know where to look!

Needless to say .......

....from now on .............

......whenever I am seated on my trusty friend.......

....... with his buzzing stack humming between my legs............

....I shall be wearing a CONDOM!

I am looking for the FINAL SIGNS to show themselves.......

Apparently when the virus completely takes him over.....

....he will become unable to do 'IT' properly.......

.....and then cease to function...... on any level.....

(rather like an old Aunt I once knew)

I have been told that the first signs that my desperately depraved device has reached the end......

....is when......

....is when...........

(sorry this is difficult for me...).....

....is when..................

...it starts GOING DOWN on me!!!

(I can't wait!....)

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel