Lord Noel On Xmas Hits

Whatto! Pepys...

Xmas is traditionally a time when stimulants of every kind surface to make an appearance as we celebrate the enhanced Yuletide nuances.
The first 'hit' I have to impart is taking part in our village Panto!
The smell of the grease paint!
The dazzling stage lighting!
The music!
The colour!
The Spectacle!
The boos!
The chairs being thrown onto the stage!
The rush for the emergency exit!
....all make up one hell of a xmas 'hit'!
The second 'hit' is Chocolate!
This treat can be enjoyed in the comfort of ones own home and quickly becomes littered in evergreen trees as 'offerings' to the great and universal Earth Mother as we pig out on this sugary confectionary for at least three days in order to put back on all that lovely weight we managed to lose by starving ourselves during the two weeks prior to Xmas!
Sugar is the most addictive rush 'hit' one can instantaneously get without venturing into illegal territory.
Food is our next major 'hit' and if you are anything like us, we like to eat enough food to keep a small African country going for a month or two! Har har!
Three full days of totally gorging oneself to excess on various chocolate products and meats and vegetables  and mincepies and trifles and wine and port and cheeses is well worth any kind of diabetes scare - because without it, this celebration is just not what I call XMAS!
Yum!
The next 'hit' is booze!
...and LOTS of it!
We are all indoors for several days together with endless amounts of sugar, food and alcohol which seems like a wonderfully traditional way to celebrate the passing of the shortest day of the year and the rebirth of the sun!
Adding loads of booze to any equation is a VERY Xmas solution (solution get it?)...
...what could possibly go wrong?

The next 'hit' is consumerism!
And thankfully we've already been heavily initiated into the regular 'hit' of consumption long before the festive season arrives having already had MONTHS of it!
Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Buy Something Thursday and Debt Wednesday have all played their part to give us that high we get when we make that 'special purchase' for a child or loved one.
The 'thing' that will make their eyes open wide in wonderment for a brief moment as they rip asunder the expensive and carefully folded wrapping paper to reveal the expensive electronic gadgetry hidden within which, thankfully, already has obsolescence carefully built-in so we don't need to fret about next years pressies because all these will be out of date by then!

And that look in their little faces is worth every single repayment we have to make for the rest of the year (and beyond) as we try to repay the exorbitant interest rates we've been charged...... isn't it?
The next 'hit' is GOLD!
Yes it's that time of year when us privileged persons like to take stock of our bullion reserves and make sure any available cash has been translated into the yellow stuff. It holds it's value don't you know? Long after that paper stuff has become as worthless as the prewar German deutschmark....

 ....and the 'hit' of counting ones stash (made mainly from selling you the tat you end up giving each other at unrealistically high interest rates) makes this time of year VERY special indeed!
Jesus had the right idea!
Gold just has to be in there somewhere!


Tallyho! & Festive Greetings!

(ps...any default on your loan could easily put your home at risk)

Best wishes - Lord Noel