Lord Noel's - Tramp Tips

Whatto! Peeps....

Many tramps were once quite talented people (like actors) so try your best to avoid them

I saw a programme on homeless people the other day and it made me mad! Why don't these so called 'homeless people' simply follow my simple tips to make life easier for themselves?

1. When your clothes get so dirty that they begin to smell quite heavily of bodily secretion, simply take them all into an Oxfam shop. You can call back later and buy a similar item for about 50 pence!

2. To avoid getting moved on all the time by Police, why not sleep outside large department stores? That way, if you car asked to move on you can simply explain that you are waiting for their sale to begin.

3. If you go to the supermarket only to find that you have no money on you, avoid embarrassment by using some tomato ketchup from the display to pretend you have a nose bleed. In this way you will be taken to the toilet by a member of staff and you can remain there until the store has closed.

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel