Lord Noel's Tips on How To Stay Ahead Of Your Neighbours

Whatto! Peeps....

As a highly succesful and immensely attractive person I am often asked "Lord Noel, how can we stay one step ahead of our neighbours?" Well, I have concocted a list of 'easy to achieve' creative solutions to your problem which I know you will enjoy implementing....but do it quick!....Before your neighbours get hold of it!.

1. It's easy to amaze your neighbours by simply threading clothes line through short sections of hosepipe, glued to the bottom of your shoes. Provided your laces are tied tightly you will be able to walk across the top of your clothes line - without falling orf!

2. You can easily stop nosey neighbours knowing which part of your house you are in by wearing soft soled shoes and thick woolen mittens and crawling slowly from room to room on all fours.

3. Make your neighbours think that you have been very sick by simply answering the door with diced carrots, rice pudding and Parmesan cheese smeared down the front of your top.

4. Fool your neighbours into thinking you are more popular than you actually by sending yourself hundreds of birthday and Xmas cards.

5. After providing an expensive slap up meal for your neighbours, why not save money by not using your expensive coffee maker but simply putting fresh coffee into a kettle of hot water. Then simply ask the guests to wear a stocking over their head whilst drinking to stop any of the bits getting into their mouths! Different denier can be used depending on whether you are using coarse ground or espresso coffee.

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel