Lord Noel Says Apocalypse Now?

What ho! Pepys...

I have been severely misled.
By a tribe of people who lived many, many years ago.
Clearly they were blessed with a great sense of humour.
Because I was given to understand that today the World would end and we would all be toyally vapourised by Nature or invading Aliens
... but I am still here!
Don't get me wrong.
I'm very happy to be carrying on living.
But I went to an 'End of the Earth' party last night and drank waaaaaaay too much white wine.
I also collected two round red balloons and one long red one and made myself a giant set of genitals which I managed to somehow strap to my body as I was dancing around on the dance floor.
Luckily I was attacked by a militant lesbian who grasped my balloons roughly and pierced them with her vicious tallons thus bringing my fertility display to an abrupt ending.
What with that and the way my head is feeling - I was kind of looking forward to being vapourised.
Now I have to contend not only with someone beating a huge bass drum deep inside my head but with the thought of Xmas!
It's actually going to happen!
Better start making a shopping list.
Damn those persky Mayans!


Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel