Lord Noel's Useful Motivational Phrases

What ho! Pepys...

When I worked for the Government I was a manager...
...a leader...
...and a motivator of people.
Here are a selection of the Motivational phrases I regularly used to keep my team in top form.
Please feel free to re-release them into your workplace.

1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

2. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

3. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

4. Any connection between your reality and mine right now is entirely coincidental.

5. I have plenty of talent and visionbut on this occasion I just don't care.

6. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and very stupid.

7. What have I become? Flypaper for freaks!?

8. I'm not being rude I just feel that you're totally insignificant.

9. I'm already visualizing my duct tape over your mouth.

10. I will always cherish those initial misconceptions I had about you.

11. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

12. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but you'll be glad to know that my duties are largely ceremonial.

13. No, my powers can only be used for good.

14. How about never? Is never good for you?

15. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to properly worship me.

16. You're starting to sound very reasonable so it's clearly time to up my medication.

17. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

18. I'm out of my mind at the moment, but feel free to leave a message .

19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

20. Who me? I just wander from room to room.

21. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at a cellular level I'm really very busy.

23. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

24. Thank you for validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

25. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

26. Someday, we'll look back on all of this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.


Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel