Lord Noel On Army Humour

What ho! Pepys...

As the invasions and bombings and threats continue many people throughout the world are beginning to think that our Armies are just heartless killers who will stop at nothing for their Political masters so here are some 'Useful Military Warnings' which prove that at least the US Army has a sense of humor!



"Aim towards the Enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Rocket Launcher



"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S. Army



"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." - U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal



"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - Army's magazine of preventive maintenance



"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." - U.S. Air Force Manual

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal



"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance



"Five-second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - Col. David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an ambush." - Infantry Journal



"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper ... once." - Anonymous



"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Army Recruit



"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your Buddies

(And lastly)



"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him." - U.S. Ammo Troop

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel