Lord Noel Needs Help

What ho! Pepys...

I recently noticed that my office seems to be getting into rather a mess.

So I decided to advertise for a Personal Secretary to take charge of everything.

Here's one of the replies I received....

Dear Lord Noel,

 I enclose some details about myself in relation your recently advertised position.

I am someone who demands a salary commiserate with my extensive experience. 

I am also a perfectionist who rarely if if ever overlooks details.
I am always striving to better myself.

Word Perfect 6.0 computer and spreadsheet progroms 

is jus one of the things I have recently lurnt. 

In my last position I received a plague for 'Salesperson 

of the Year' and was instrumental in ruining the entire 

financial operation for a locally based store.

In essence I was working for my mother - until she decided 

to move to a different town.
She always says that its best for employers if I don't 

work with real people so working with yourself 

and Lady Jacqueline would suit me just fine.
I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse, 

having been wholey responsible for two (2) 

financial institutions - both now failed.
My earliest goal was to be a meteorologist, but since I 

possessed no training in meterology, 

I decided to try retail sales and finance.

I have held several other positions in the fast food 

retail industry since working with my Mother.

I have listed them all on a separate sheet which is attached.

Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping.

I have never quit a job.
The reason for leaving last job was that they insisted 

that all employees get to work by 8:45 a.m. every morning. 

I could not work under those conditions.

The company before this last job made me a scapegoat, 

just like my three previous employers. 
I was asked to leave one job on grounds of maturity leave.

Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience,

especially with managing my own anger without medication.
You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time.
I should also mention that I studied for the bar exam, 

failing with relatively high grades. 

 Marital status: 

single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments.
My Personal interests include donating blood. 

(Fourteen gallons given so far).

Yours sinceerly

Dicky Breath (Mr) -=- Photo enclosed!

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel