Lord Noel's Investment Advice

What ho! Pepys...

I am very pleased to announce the start of 

'Lord Noel's Financial Investment Learning'.

Here are some terms you will need to learn 

prior to beginning the course:

CEO

Chief Embezzlement Officer.

BULL MARKET 

A random market movement causing an investor 

to mistake himself for a financial genius.

VALUE INVESTING

The art of buying low and selling even lower.

P/E RATIO

The percentage of investors 

wetting their pants as the
market keeps crashing.

BROKER

Something that dabbling in stocks and shares 

will make you.

STANDARD and POOR

Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST

The Idiot who just downgraded all your stock.

STOCK SPLIT

When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets
equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER

Someone whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION

This usually occurs on the day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW

The movement your money makes 

as it disappears down the toilet.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR

Last years investor who's now locked up 

in a nuthouse.

PROFIT

An archaic word - no longer in use. 

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel