Lord Noel's Advice To Newlyweds

What ho! Pepys...

I recently received this letter from a concerned newlywed...

"Dear Lord Noel, I have recently become married to my darling sweetheart and want my marriage to be as successful as yours. I was surprised to find that there was soooo much to do each day for my husband and I was wondering if there are any speed limits that apply inside the home or can you run around as fast as you like? Yours gratefully Dora Matt"

Dear Dora, thank you for writing to us and for our well deserved compliment. There are certainly NO speed limits applicable inside one's own home! Har har! And the best advice I can give to you for a successful marriage like ours is that a 'Good Wife' always puts her husband's happiness first, she will not complain when he spends some extra money on the latest video game or some vintage wine, after all he has been working very hard all week.  She will always let the husband chose what to talk about, because he knows very well what is interesting and what isn't. She will never complain when he takes his dirty clothes off & leaves them on the floor, because it will only take her a minute to pick them up. Neither will she interrupt him when he has his friends round as they have alcohol to drink and important things to discuss such as games, sport and politics. A 'Good Wife' also rises early to collect her husband's favourite paper & wake him with coffee and freshly squeezed fruit juice while she cooks him his full breakfast. Remember he needs to look his best each day so don't forget to press his trousers and shirt and polish his shoes before he rises. A 'Good Wife' should always pay extra attention to her hair & makeup especially at the weekend. It's natrual that she wants to look her best for her gorgeous husband. Saturday afternoon is when he may want to watch sport on television with some friends, so this gives you the perfect chance to clean the car for him! But as soon as you've finished (and begun preparing his tea for later of course) make sure you've changed into your best lingerie underwear ready for a nice romantic Saturday night in with him. A 'Good Wife' will always compliment her husband after a romantic moment in the boudoir, she would never dream of complaining about how quickly it all took place. Remember Marriage isn't just about getting kisses & gifts, it's about providing a good home for your husband to say "Thank you for marrying me!"

You're Welcome!

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel