Lord Noel's - Nature Tips

Whatto! Peeps....

Being someone who lives in the countryside as a nature lover, and commited naturist, I am often being asked for advice on how to help Nature and specifically "Lord Noel, what can we do to improve the lives of our feathered and furry friends during the year?" Well here are a few Top Tips which should give pleasure to your squirrels and other attractive rodents.

1. Next time you use the washing machine, use salt instead of washing powder to create a perfect 'ocean simulator'. Then, by placing baby turtles inside, you can prepare them for their hectic life at sea!

2. In cold weather it's important to keep creatures warm. Use small lengths of rubber pipe to make ideal 'skin tight body suits' for worms. Be sure to roll your worms in talcuum powder first, to ensure a comfortable fit!

3. Two Galaxy Minstrels joined together with a wooden cocktail stick make perfect little dumbells for red squirrels to work out with, thus building themselves up against their enemies - The Greys!

4. Should you need to take a dolphin out of the water for any length of time (for transportation or perhaps a short holiday break) water-filled fire extinguishers make perfect 'oxygen cylinders' for them.

5. Migrating sea birds will be extremely grateful for any nesting places you can provide, so don't forget to hang out a bucket full of salt water.

6. Next time you have some thick plywood offcuts, don't throw them away! Instead, cut them into small cubes to create perfect little 'Liqourice Allsorts' for those sweet toothed woodpeckers!

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel