Lord Noel's Holiday Tips - For Those Who Can't Afford Holidays

Whatto! Peeps....

I am often asked "How can I enjoy a lovely holiday without spending much money or leaving the country?". And I say "Well that doesn't actually sound like a 'holiday' to me!" But being someone who rises to challenges I've compiled this list of Tips to answer such questions.

1. Planning a holiday is half the fun of a holiday, so why not plan two this year and still stay at home? Think of all the lovely money you'll save!

2. You can recreate the fun of a hotel's open air swimming pool by simply filling your own bath with cold water and then tipping in two bottles of strong bleach and urine.

3. Pretend you're on a balmy foreign beach by simply turning on all lights and heating inside your home. Then walk around the house in your underpants with strips of sandpaper inside your slippers.

4. Imagine you are on holiday in greece by turning off your water supply, removing all the toilet roll from your bathroom and using a soiled bucket as a lavatory.

5. Women: Are you now too old to go on an 18-30 holiday? Well fear not! You can enjoy all the fun of such a holiday by getting sozzled and lying in a sand pit in your back garden. Don't forget to put a sign on the garden gate saying something like "Free sex! Come in and help yourself!"

You're Welcome!
Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel