Lord Noel Reveals The Signs Of Ageing

What ho! Pepys.....

Lord Noel here....

Someone said to me the other day "Lord Noel, how can I tell if I'm getting old?"
....and I replied "Well...you can always use my 'Are you old?' checklist!".....

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is completely out of the question.
3. 6 a.m. is when you get up, NOT when you go to bed.
4. You hear your favourite song in an elevator.
5. You keep more food than booze in the fridge.
6. You don't know what time the local Take Away closes anymore.
7. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of just being the beginning of one.
8. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
9. If you're a woman, you go to the supermarket for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
10. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old butt.

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel