Lord Noel Says Publish Or Be Damned

What ho! Pepys....

Our Parish Magazine is out once again....
....and it just happens to feature my ever popular 'Advice Column':
...(a firm favourite with the local people here)


"Dear Lord Noel, I have never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs. phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with 'the girls' a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, 'just some friends from work, you don’t know them.' I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her. Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with 'the girls'. It was at that moment, crouching behind my clubs, that I noticed that the graphite shaft on my driver appeared to have a hairline crack right by the club head. Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the golf shop where I bought it? Thanks Jim"

"Dear Jim, a cracked shaft is indeed a very serious problem.... especially in the Winter months. There are a number of products which can take care of the damage caused and these should be liberally applied to the affected area to prevent the cracks  reappearing. When I had a similar problem I got my wife to do it and I was jolly pleased with the outcome. Best Wishes - Lord Noel".

Tallyho!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel