Lord Noel Learns The Joy Of Cycling

What ho! Travellers....

During my time at the Foreign Office I was lucky enough to be sent on some very important missions.

In one of them I was asked to make 'Diplomatic Progress' with a tribe on an Island which had shown itself to be of 'great strategic potential' to our military boffins.

I simply loved jobs like this.....

...whatever I did whilst I was there resulted in 'Diplomatic Progress'....

....I just couldn't fail!

I'd been given my briefing prior to departure...

....and was dropped off by sea plane with survival rations.

Very soon I was spotted by some of the Island's natives.....

.....and taken to the Chief who turned out to be a splendid chap.

So I decided (to help us make progress Diplomatically) to try to teach him some English.

I started orf with the usual stuff..... 'I am Lord Noel...'

....'this is my lunch'....

....'this is my panama hat'... 

....you know - the usual things.....

...and then we went for a walk in the jungle, and I pointed to a tree and said, 'This is a tree.'

The chief looked at the tree and nodded and said, 'A tree.'

I was very pleased with his response......

...and so we walked on a little further.......

.....and I pointed to a rock and said, 'This is a rock.'

Hearing this, the chief looked and nodded again and said, 'A rock.'

I was really getting quite enthusiastic that we were making such swift progress.....

...this Chief was clearly very quick witted and clever.

Then I heard something rustling in some bushes ahead of us!

Fearing that a wild animal may be laying in wait for us....

...I used my binoculars to check out the bushes in more detail.....

....and it was then that I saw a native couple in the midst of sexual congress!

I was flustered for a moment and felt embarrassed to be seen watching people in their private moments and I turned to the Chief, smiled and quickly responded, 'Oh..... it's just a man riding a bike.'

The chief leant forward, took my binoculars orf me and peered towards the hedge with them.....

....then he drew out his blowpipe and fired two beautifully aimed poisoned darts at the couple....

....killing them both instantly!

I was naturally shocked at what I was witnessing.....

....and it brought home to me that I was indeed alone in a different culture.

The chief turned to me as he put his blowpipe back over his shoulder......

....and......obviously seeing the look of dismay and surprise on my face.....

....simply said, 'My bike.'

Tallyho!

Best wishes - Lord Noel