Lord Noel Receives Religious Instruction

Whatto! Vicars.....

I was chatting to our Vicar the other day...

...a charming Lady...

...(if slightly deranged)....

....and I wanted to ask her what solace she, as a female, drew from the Bible...

So I said "Vicar, as a female, what solace do you draw from the Bible?"

....and she said "Well Lord Noel, I think that The Bible teaches us so much...

...about God himself......

..and how he thinks..."

I was listening intently....

....but I wanted to know exactly what she meant....

....so I asked her....

"What exactly do you mean Vicar?"

And she replied "Well the Bible teaches me to know....

....what God knew......

....for example....

...I believe that God Knew:

...that Adam would always be lost on Earth because men hate asking for directions.

....and that Adam would one day need someone to hand him the TV remote...... because Men

don't really want to see what's on television, they want to see what else is on!

And God also knew that Adam would never buy a new fig leaf when his wore out unless there was someone there who was prepared to go and get it for him......

......and God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment for himself.

.....and that Adam would never remember which night the bins had to be 'put out'....."

"That's very interesting Vicar" I interjected.....

....but she wasn't listening to me any more.....

....and I could see by the look in her eyes that she was somewhere else now.....

.....so she continued....

"And God knew that if the world was to be populated, Adam would never be able to handle the pain and strength involved in childbearing.....

....and that Adam would never remember where he put his tools....so the garden of Eden would become overgrown." 

She suddenly turned towards me....

....and with her eyes glaring wildly....

....she pointed her accusatory finger....

....right at my soul!

"The scriptures account of creation also indicates Adam needed someone to blame when God caught him hiding in the garden after eating the apple!.....

So....when God finished the creation of Adam and stepped back to admire his handiwork.....

....it was only natural that he should conclude.......

......"I can do better than that."

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel