What ho! Boozers.......
This is the time of year when the Booze Cruise Partying...
.....just seems to go on and on.....
Apparently we drink 40% MORE alcohol in December than we do at any other time of year!
Considering the amount of booze I drink throughtout the rest of the year....
....that puts me under TREMENDOUS pressure!!
.....just seems to go on and on.....
Apparently we drink 40% MORE alcohol in December than we do at any other time of year!
Considering the amount of booze I drink throughtout the rest of the year....
....that puts me under TREMENDOUS pressure!!
Fortunately.....
All the latest gadgets seem to be booze related.....
....and some of them look REALLY GOOD!
(How was it that I wasn't bought this fine gift for Xmas?)
And everyone says they feel so much better when they're 'boozed up'....
....AND they can sing so much better!
.....and we are told to remember "Tis the season to be Merry....or Jolly ....or something"....
It's nobody's fault....
It's far too easy to blame all this booziness on Celebrities......
...whose lifestyles show us mere mortals.....
....how we COULD be living.....
I think it's MUCH deeper entrenched than that....
...People start drinking so much younger these days.....
....and now....
.....binge drinking among the young.....
....has become quite fashionable.....
....has become quite fashionable.....
Remember.....40% EXTRA!!
....but we are also warned by so called 'experts'......
....that it can eventually affect your perception of reality......
....that it can eventually affect your perception of reality......
....and you can begin to see things that just aren't there!
...whatever!.....apparently....
....even ARMPITS can start to look like something else entirely!
Hmmmm!....maybe they've got something here.......
.....I see batty!
And as this distorted reality becomes part of your lifestyle......
....you begin to look for things that no-one else would ever dream of.....
....For example....
....you're driving along one day.......
...and your navigator says "We need to look out for a fork in the road!"...
.....and YOUR pickled brain....
...does this.....
So this must be the place right?
Or you go to a record store (as I did recently)....
....and you can chose an album purely on the strength.......
.....of the 'hot chick' on the cover....
...only to get it home and discover.....
....the awful truth.....
(That it's your EX WIFE!)
Aaaaaarrrrrgggghhhhh!
How can there be too much social drinking this time of year?......
We're all just being 40% Extra scoiable!
We're all just being 40% Extra scoiable!
.....and putting all that booze into our food can't help....
I know one chap who's addicted to sherry trifle....
....but he's managed to cut down to three a day....
...more than that and he turns into a right custard chucker....
Maybe it's just a growing fixation....
....that booze simply MUST be part of our everyday life....
....in WHATEVER form it takes....
....in WHATEVER form it takes....
Drink some.....rub some.....Mmmmmm
....that means that we have become immune......
.....to the Demons and Dark Forces.....
.....to the Demons and Dark Forces.....
.......that lurk within it!?
(AS my mate Roland Rat demonstrates above...
..whilst plucking on his G string)
Over this Xmas period.....
...I surveyed my own growing mountain of booze......
....a Mountain that has now grown so large.....
....that there is simply no chance of ever drinking it all!
(Thank goodness)
....and that's without taking into account my 'Overflow' supply...
..which I cool rather cleverly......
.....in my outdoor fridge.....
(Look on and weep.....thirsty tourist person)
So am I someone who advocates that a period of respite......
.....should follow after the Compulsory Boozy New Years Eve celebrations.....
.......have finally died away in a drunken haze?
.....should follow after the Compulsory Boozy New Years Eve celebrations.....
.......have finally died away in a drunken haze?
Absolutely NOT!
I am a firm believer in that tried and trusted remedy!....
....the old 'Hair of the dog'...
....and although it can make you feel a bit 'ruff'....
....it has stood both myself and Lady J in very good stead over the years.......
....Although (to be serious for a moment)....
.....we were BOTH recently so concerned about our deteriorating vision.....
.....we were BOTH recently so concerned about our deteriorating vision.....
....that we decided to go and have our eyes tested.....
....It was a quick and painless process....
....which I would recommend to anyone....
....and we were surprised to find.....
....that we were suffering from a very rare (at this time of year)....
....occular complaint....
....which I would recommend to anyone....
....and we were surprised to find.....
....that we were suffering from a very rare (at this time of year)....
....occular complaint....
....simply referred to ......
.....as being 'completely sober'.....
.....as being 'completely sober'.....
Our Optician immediately prescribed us both.....
.....exactly what we needed.....
.....exactly what we needed.....
....some Beer Glasses!
Maybe we should have gone to Specsavers?
Tallyho!
I'm not as thunk as you drink I am!
Best Wishes - Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline and her
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