Lord Noel On Men of Substance

What ho! Voters...

 

There's been a terrible kerfuffle recently about 'expenses'............

....those claimed by Members of Parliament......

.....in the course of their duty to the Nation.

I think it's high time that these chaps deserved a break.

That way when the next United Kingdom general election takes place on or before Thursday 3 June 2010.......

....everyone will have completely forgotten about this whole sorry mess.

Do you know......

.....People are actually daring to 'have a go' at elected members of the house......

....who were merely claiming what they were rightfully entitled to.......

 

..and those who found out later..

 that they had made 'Administrative errors'...

 have even offered to PAY THE MONEY BACK!

Now I say chaps.....

.....what more could one ask for?

After all......

....they've been open and honest in the recording of the 'facts'......

....as can easily be seen.....

..... in the widely publicised claims forms that they submitted.

 

But some people aren't satisfied with that......

OH NO!....

...they are reading ALL sorts of things into this whole fiasco.

 

And in the meantime......

...our dear, dear Prime Minister......

....has had to put on his best 'brave face'......

.....and 'carry on smiling'.

 

So how did this ridiculous situation ever come about?

How could the integrity of our country's representatives....

....ever be under question?

Some people say it is down to 'sheer greed'.....

...but I very much doubt that a person who would give all his time and energy......

....selflessly.....

...in the service of his Country.....

....could EVER be accused of 'Greed'.

No!

It has to be something much more fundamental......

 

Perhaps it's because they are not paid enough?

Maybe.....if they'd been paid more money......

....they wouldn't have had to employ their wives and sisters.....

....and girlfriends.....

....to do all their typing!

Maybe...if they'd been paid more money.....

...they could have had PROPER secretaries......

....and then these 'Administrative errors'.......

....... would NEVER have happened!

 

So I for one.....

...fully support our Members of Parliament when they vote to give themselves a 30% pay increase.....

.....and win that vote......

....whilst the rest of the country realises that MPs are an 'important exception'.....

....and that the wage restraint policy that has been widely promulgated....

....certainly was never intended to apply to THEM!

 

And this has had a terrible affect on the Morale (and Morals) of these dear, dear men and women......

Some have been used as 'scape goats'....

..... in the panic to find someone to apportion blame on.....

...(which is a shame because we are constanly told that we now live in a modern, 'blameless society').

And over 70 MPs have already 'fallen gallantly on their swords'.......

....through fear of bringing a 'bad name' to their particular Political Party.

If that doesn't show 'Substance' and 'Backbone'....

.....then ..

....what does?

To sacrifice ones career for the betterment of The Party......

....must be a humbling experience for these dear people.

And Yes!....I hear the hollow cries of "They are Criminals!"....

....echoing in the emptiness.....

....and I say to those accusers......

"If any of these dear men and women WERE criminals.....

.....don't you think the Police....

..... would have prosecuted them by now?"

And there I rest my case....

...and if you want to......

.....you can check out EXACTLY what YOUR MP claimed in expenses here.

In the meantime.....

....The Houses of Parliament looks like this......

 

And who can blame these dear representatives for 'battening down the hatches'?

After all.....

...aren't they now 'under suspicion'.....

....for a crime they didn't commit?

Indeed.....a Crime that doesn't even EXIST!

Because there were apparently NO RULES in existence about expenses prior to this farce!

No!

We cannot view these people any differently now.......

....just because of the unfounded 'rumours' and 'accusations'......

.......that are currently flying wildly about.

Weren't they all entirely 'Open & Honest' in their reporting of the facts?

But even now I've heard some people complain that.......

...... "You can't see many details on the claim forms that were published!"

And my response to those people is.....

"Are you a bally Terrorist?...

....Do you seriously want all our MPs to reveal personal details......

..... about their 'gardening activities' ......

....which could then fall into the hands of murderous groups.......

....... such as Al Kaida?

.....or The Press?

Perhaps you jolly well do!......

...because then we'd soon have a situation...

........ where Terrorists could kidnap one's gardener......

....then strap bombs to the poor fellow.....

....and then force him to return to our dear MP.......

......... with some spurious enquiry about daffodils.....

...and whilst they are locked in discussion......

....set off the bomb!.....

....thus destroying an MP.....

....and a perfectly good......

.....poor......

....... talented.....

... God fearing...

.... man of the soil!

(Who are extremley difficult to get hold of these days)

Luckily.....

...this whole 'episode' hasn't put orf potential candidates......

......the number of seats will rise from 646 to 650 under the proposals made by the Boundary Commissions for Britain in its last review prior to the 2005 general election.

My advice to MPs has always been......

....claim whatever you wish to claim for.....

...after all....

...it's only money that's been collected through taxation......

....so it belongs to the Government anyway!

And if there's too much of it sploshing about......

....it would probably just be used.....

....to declare war.....

..... on somewhere......

.... like Iran.

But I'm extremely pleased to report.....

.....that there IS a glimmer of hope.....

...... for Britain's Political future here.....

...because although alot of MPs are now having their 'daily expenses' reduced.....

....the amount they can claim on Mortgages remains uncontrolled.......

....so thankfully all the MPs with massive houses......

....are still perfectly safe.......

...to claim whatever they wish to!

Phew!

Common sense prevails!

Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel & Lady Jacqueline

Dress With Finesse