Lord Noel's Test For Drunks

Whatto! spritualists..............

Apparently we can be tested for sobriety now!...............
There are a number of things that are tell tell signs that could suggest ....................
........................that you may be under the influence of intoxicating substances!...............

It is difficult to say the following words when you' re drunk ............
This could be regarded as.......

STAGE 1:
a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon


STAGE 2:
Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk
a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate


STAGE 3:
Things that are DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE to say when you' re drunk!
a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
b) No more booze for me thanks.
c) Sorry, but you' re not really my type.
d) Hot kebab! Not for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but with my lack of co-ordination I won't make any attempt to dance
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I wouldn't like to vomit in the street.
j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.

Tallyho!
best wishes - Lord Noel