What ho! 2009!...............
And as the slaughterman of time disembowls the pig of 2008.........
we look forward to the future...............
............and being yet another year older!
Here are some of the telltale signs of 'Aging' that begin to manifest themselves in their subtle and varied ways....................
1. You find that you like to leave concerts before the encore to "beat the rush".
2. You are the proud owner of a lawnmower.
3. You stop dreaming of becoming famous and start dreaming of having a child who might instead.
4. Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property section.
5. All of a sudden, people are not 46, but "only" 46!
6. Before going out anywhere, you find yourself asking "What's the parking like?".
7. Rather than throw away an old pair of trainers, you keep them because "They'll be handy for walking the dog".
8. Instead of laughing at the 'Innovations' catalogue that falls out of the newspaper, you suddenly see the benefits of a 'plastic winter cover' and an 'electronic mole repellent'.
9. You find that everything you want to buy costs between £200 and £500.
10. You no longer get funny looks when you buy a Disney video or a Wallace and Gromit bubble bath....the sales assistant assumes they are for your child.
11. All Pop music suddenly sounds a bit 'crap'.
12. You opt for Pizza Express because "Pizza Hut don't have any pictures on the menus and anyway, they do a really nice bottle of red wine".
13. You become powerless to resist the lure of self-assembly furniture.
14. You find that you always have enough milk in.
15. To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to go clubbing, you instead frequent really loud 'tapas' restaurants and franchise pubs with 'wacky' names in the mistaken belief that you have not turned into your parents.
16. While flicking through the TV channels, you happen upon C4's Time team with Tony Robinson........and get drawn in!
17. The benefits of pension schemes suddenly become very clear.
18. You drive to B&Q specifically to pick up a colour chart.
19. You wish you had a shed..........and then you have a shed!
20. You actually find yourself saying things like "They don't make them like that anymore" and "I remember when there were only 3 TV channels" and "Of course, in my day"
21. Radio 2 start to play more songs that you know than Radio 1 - and "They have some really interesting guests on, you know".
22. Instead of tutting at old people who take ages to get off the bus, you tut at school children whose diction is poor.
23. When sitting outside a pub you become envious of their hanging baskets.
24. You come face to face with your own mortality for the first time,and the indestructibility of the twenties gives way to a realisation that you are but passing through this life and if you don't settle down soon and have kids you'll have no-one to look after you when you're old and frail and incontinent and you can't go on p1ssing your life up against a wall forever and think of how many brain cells you're destroying every time a cheeky one turns into ten!..... and look at that, a full set of stainless steel saucepans for £99, they cost as much as £35 each if you buy them separately, and you get a milk pan thrown in!................
Tallyho!
Best wishes - Lord Noel
And as the slaughterman of time disembowls the pig of 2008.........
we look forward to the future...............
............and being yet another year older!
Here are some of the telltale signs of 'Aging' that begin to manifest themselves in their subtle and varied ways....................
1. You find that you like to leave concerts before the encore to "beat the rush".
2. You are the proud owner of a lawnmower.
3. You stop dreaming of becoming famous and start dreaming of having a child who might instead.
4. Before throwing the local paper away, you look through the property section.
5. All of a sudden, people are not 46, but "only" 46!
6. Before going out anywhere, you find yourself asking "What's the parking like?".
7. Rather than throw away an old pair of trainers, you keep them because "They'll be handy for walking the dog".
8. Instead of laughing at the 'Innovations' catalogue that falls out of the newspaper, you suddenly see the benefits of a 'plastic winter cover' and an 'electronic mole repellent'.
9. You find that everything you want to buy costs between £200 and £500.
10. You no longer get funny looks when you buy a Disney video or a Wallace and Gromit bubble bath....the sales assistant assumes they are for your child.
11. All Pop music suddenly sounds a bit 'crap'.
12. You opt for Pizza Express because "Pizza Hut don't have any pictures on the menus and anyway, they do a really nice bottle of red wine".
13. You become powerless to resist the lure of self-assembly furniture.
14. You find that you always have enough milk in.
15. To compensate for the fact that you have little desire to go clubbing, you instead frequent really loud 'tapas' restaurants and franchise pubs with 'wacky' names in the mistaken belief that you have not turned into your parents.
16. While flicking through the TV channels, you happen upon C4's Time team with Tony Robinson........and get drawn in!
17. The benefits of pension schemes suddenly become very clear.
18. You drive to B&Q specifically to pick up a colour chart.
19. You wish you had a shed..........and then you have a shed!
20. You actually find yourself saying things like "They don't make them like that anymore" and "I remember when there were only 3 TV channels" and "Of course, in my day"
21. Radio 2 start to play more songs that you know than Radio 1 - and "They have some really interesting guests on, you know".
22. Instead of tutting at old people who take ages to get off the bus, you tut at school children whose diction is poor.
23. When sitting outside a pub you become envious of their hanging baskets.
24. You come face to face with your own mortality for the first time,and the indestructibility of the twenties gives way to a realisation that you are but passing through this life and if you don't settle down soon and have kids you'll have no-one to look after you when you're old and frail and incontinent and you can't go on p1ssing your life up against a wall forever and think of how many brain cells you're destroying every time a cheeky one turns into ten!..... and look at that, a full set of stainless steel saucepans for £99, they cost as much as £35 each if you buy them separately, and you get a milk pan thrown in!................
 |
| Time to put last year behind you |
Tallyho!
Best wishes - Lord Noel
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