Saturday, 10 January 2009

Lord Noel's Diary Of A Hostage

What ho! Pepys.....

I recently cam across this Blog entry which I thought might be of interest....

Day 84 of my captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects..........

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal...............

The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing at the furniture............

I also make a point of regularly urinating in the corner of the room because I know how much this upsets them..............

......and tomorrow I may eat another house plant!



Today I almost succeeded in killing my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking................

I will definately be trying this again.............. next time at the top of the stairs!

In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again forced myself to vomit onto their 'favourite' chair!

I must try this on their bed!

I also decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body to srike fear into their hearts and make them aware of exactly what I am capable of!

But all they did was "coo" at me and condescend about "what a good little kitty cat" I was! ............The Patronising Swines!

This is not working according to plan!

Tonight there was some sort of gathering of accomplices.

I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event.

However, I could still hear the noise and smell the food.............

More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called "allergies"..............

I must learn more about this and how to use it to my advantage!

I am convinced the other captives here are 'flunkies' and maybe 'snitches'.

'Rocky' is routinely released and seems more than happy to return!


He is obviously a half-wit!

'Reggie', on the other hand, has got to be an informant...........



He speaks with them regularly............... and I am certain he reports my every move!

Due to his current placement inside a metal room, his safety is assured.

But I'll wait................ It's only a matter of time!





Tallyho!

Best Wishes - Lord Noel

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