Lord Noel Says - It's A Gift!

Whatto! recipients.............

As the toilet brush of time forces away the last remnants of Crimbo from the U bend of existence............
we are left to ponder over Christmas past..............
....and Christmas Presents!
I wonder if you are like me?...................someone who always prefers Presents that have been given with thought and consideration....................and hopefully 'Hand Made' to give it that 'personal touch' ..................unless of course it's a Rolls Royce then one really should go to a reputable dealer................

Here are a selection of imaginative presents to whet your taste buds for next Xmas..............
......and you can also use them to ask your partner............
"Why didn't I get one of those?!"

Handbags are ALWAYS popular gifts................ and they always say something about the owner
..............whatever their shape!



.....or how about this conveniently designed makeup tray?..........great for any gorgeous lady driver ..............or cross-dresser!?

....or maybe you'd prefer to use your hard earned cash to get a 'Garden Makeover' ............and spend some quality time with Mother Nature?!

And for those who still insist that Jesus was born at Xmas....................how about this tasteful image of the man himself?............. looking suitably cheesed off about having just been crucified by us humans!?..............

That one's clever too...........because it's all done with just ONE line! ................(Probably made by someone with a Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)


Or.....maybe you know a masochist?.......... or you want to get 'even' with someone?...............then please consider a Thai Massage!!!

Here the recipient is being given a 'Butterfly'!......................how nice!

But the day when a butterfly sits on my face and forces my legs behind my head................is the day I'll spend more time INDOORS!

Does your partner enjoy their food?.............YES?!.............then what better than to treat them to a culinary feast of epic proportions?

Can you guess what it is yet?................

Yes!................of course!

It's a YAK PENIS!................yum!

Maybe you're a Romantic?.................then a writing course could be a lovely and thoughtful gift for someone you Love?................that way your partner can write to you when they run off with someone on the course!

Personally I love practical presents.................here's a gift that's definitely GOING somewhere!........... In fact - Wherever you go!.................Imagine having your own BAR go with you!........and the Taxi home already pre-booked!!?........Perfect!

If you're too big to go to the GYM or be seen in public...................why not use Wii?

But for this version you might need a partner................and you're probably too fat aren't you?

This small and discrete gift allows you to make quick and accurate assessments of your personal aroma prior to intimacy with your partner......................how thoughtful!

MEN!..............Are you tired of being taken for granted in the kitchen?.............This gift gets the message across loud and clear!

And how about this unusual gift?.....................designed specially for Xmas by a group of local Satanists!?

Now this next gift is probably for a 'niche' market.......................To be honest......I'm not even sure what it does!..............but it looks like it might potentially be fun!........................and I bet someone out there is saying to themselves 'I MUST have one!' as you read this!.........

Or maybe a 'Tiny Personal Pole dancer' is more your cup of tea?.................

And here's the perfect gift for all Expectant fathers!..............Now YOU TOO can share in those intimate moments with YOUR baby child!............Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!

.........and when your child reaches it's teens and says to you "Dad....I keep having these reoccurring nightmares of you breast feeding me!" .....................you can have fun explaining your behaviour to them!......................("It seemed like a good idea at the time Son!")

And FINALLY.........

......for the Woman who has everything!..........

.......why not get them?.....................

NOTHING!?

It does exactly what it says on the tin!

Tallyho!

Best wishes - Lord Noel