Ello!
Wiv is Lordship and er Ladyship tucked up in bed after a proper brahma party last noight wiv a load of uver tofts - theys asked me to put summink on eer from meself loike - a sorta alternative xmas message and that. Well oim a great lover of motors see? ......in fact ive had loads of em over the years - some of them were legit too. 
Ive always liked drivin for a job - mainly in the East end of London innit - but I was lucky enough to make enuf dosh from me last job to retire to the country and lie low fer a bit. Thats where I starts working fer yer Lord & Ladyship. Theys well nice people who love to av a good time. 
Any party theys at is bound to go wiv a bang. Theys got lots of top notch pals who I gets to meet when Im drivin loike. My Xmas message is simpul - Nobody should be drivin and drinkin!- its just mental! Three of my mates woz killed in a motor at Xmas after drink driving - it just aint worf it! 
When they died they all went up to evan and woz met by St Peter (ees effectively Gods doorman) at the pearly gates. 'In honour of dis holy season' Saint Peter says, 'You must each possess somefink wot symbolizes Xmas to get yerselves into heaven.' 
The first man fumbles frew his pockets and pulls out his empty whisky bottle. 'It's Bells innit?', he says. 'Alright my son" sez St Peter, "You may pass frew the pearly gates!' The second bloke reaches into his pocket and pulls out a condom. He blows into it and says, 'It's a balloon!' Saint Peter says 'You are pushing it mate!..... but you may pass through the pearly gates'. 
The third man starts searching desperately frew his pockets and then he pulls out a tiny red g string. St. Peter looks at this geezer wiv his eyebrow raised loike and asks, 'And just what do you fink those symbolize?' The bloke smiles and sez................
Ive always liked drivin for a job - mainly in the East end of London innit - but I was lucky enough to make enuf dosh from me last job to retire to the country and lie low fer a bit. Thats where I starts working fer yer Lord & Ladyship. Theys well nice people who love to av a good time. Any party theys at is bound to go wiv a bang. Theys got lots of top notch pals who I gets to meet when Im drivin loike. My Xmas message is simpul - Nobody should be drivin and drinkin!- its just mental! Three of my mates woz killed in a motor at Xmas after drink driving - it just aint worf it! When they died they all went up to evan and woz met by St Peter (ees effectively Gods doorman) at the pearly gates. 'In honour of dis holy season' Saint Peter says, 'You must each possess somefink wot symbolizes Xmas to get yerselves into heaven.' The first man fumbles frew his pockets and pulls out his empty whisky bottle. 'It's Bells innit?', he says. 'Alright my son" sez St Peter, "You may pass frew the pearly gates!' The second bloke reaches into his pocket and pulls out a condom. He blows into it and says, 'It's a balloon!' Saint Peter says 'You are pushing it mate!..... but you may pass through the pearly gates'. The third man starts searching desperately frew his pockets and then he pulls out a tiny red g string. St. Peter looks at this geezer wiv his eyebrow raised loike and asks, 'And just what do you fink those symbolize?' The bloke smiles and sez................
....'These are Carols!'
Nice one!
Watch yer back!
Vern
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