Lord Noel Reveals - My Old School Reports

Whatto! Web watchers!

I was rummaging round in the old family vault the other day when I happened across some old school reports that I hadn't seen for years!


I must say I had a wonderful time at school - and all the other chaps in my dorm were top hole people who've gone on to take up various positions in the City and suchlike...


I suppose I could be described as somewhat of a drifter in lifes ocean...
..and from reading these reports I think there may have been some clues quite early on!.. Har!!


Maths:
"Since my last report, Lord Noel has reached rock bottom and has continued to dig. He consistently sets low standards for himslef then fails to achieve them. I calculate him to be a gross ignoramus - that's 144 times more ignorant than an ordinary ignoramus!"


Athletics:
"Despite his room temperature IQ his team would follow Lord Noel anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity".


Biology:
"I believe Lord Noel got into the gene pool whilst the lifeguard wasn't watching - I would suggest that he never be allowed to breed. In fact, if he were any more stupid, I think he would have to be watered. It's extremely hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperms to the egg".


English:
"He works well when under constant supervision or when cornered in a trap. He has clearly fallen out of the family tree and is the type of person who would be out of his depth in a small puddle".


Economics: (with the Gorgeous Miss Marshall! Wallop!!)

"If brains were taxed Lord Noel would be in line for a nice rebate! I have noticed that when he does open his mouth it seems that this is only to change whatever foot was previously in there".


Religious Instruction:
"Some students drink from the fountain of knowledge but Lord Noel merely gargles. He has delusions of adequacy and should go far - and the sooner the better".


Geography:
"This student is not the sharpest knife in the drawer - in fact I sincerely believe that he is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot".


Gymnastics:
"I believe Lord Noel to be a prime candidate for natural de-selection. In terms of fitness he is developing a full six-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together".


Art:
"Lord Noel has a photographic memory but has his lens cover glued on. He has consistently shown that he can be as bright as Alaska ............in December!"

Actually not as bad as I remembered!

Tallyho!!

Best wishes - Lord Noel