Lord Noel Believes Life's A Beach

Whatto!

.......and welcome to the time of year when we let out the unfamiliar battle cry of..........


........"Once more unto the Beach my friends!"


I was lucky enough to find myself with some free time on my hands the other day................

So I took myself down to the lucious sea shore............



The water was busy with jet skis - some with water skiers in tow.............

I even saw two chaps in canoes boating up and down...................


I got in for a swim and found - to my delight - that the water became wonderfully bearable after just a couple of minutes.....................

.....making the swim even more enjoyable and refreshing.......................

Then............

......about six feet away from me in the water..................

...up popped a wonderfully shiney black smiling face to take a quick peek at me..............



....yes!........It was SEAL!!!
What a surprise! Why people want to club him to Death is beyond me!!................
Tallyho everyone!!
Best wishes - lord Noel

Lord Noel's Summer Nights

Enjoying food 'al fresco'.........
Sipping Wine & mojitos...........
Great conversation with wonderful company....................
Warm, bubbling Jacuzzi..................
blazing firepit................
..............and a chance to put your feet up!
Exactly how Summer Nights were meant to be spent.........
Tallyho!
Best wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel Gives You The Benefit Of His Considerable Knowledge on Lawn

WHATTO! Once more!!

What lovely weather we're having!

At last - SUMMER seems to have finally arrived!!!............

From time to time I like to try to give something back.....................

And I'm prone to doing some menial task or other...............

Just to prove that I'm capable of getting 'down & dirty'............

Like any ordinary Common or gardener person...............

Today - for instance - I went outside and cut my GRASS!!

YES!!!!..............ME!!!!

Even though I have a fully trained Gardener on 24 hour call for my Jardinial needs!.........



It was a humbling experience.................
Knowing that men have toiled in this way through the ages..................

But Dear Reader..................
I was struck with a heavy heart by the devastation caused by this garden MOWER!!
All the beautiful wild flowers................ cut to pieces!!!

All the useful and industrious insects feeding from the said flowers.........................sliced to DEATH!!!



.....and for WHAT? I ask...............
So we can have LAWNS that look like bowling greens?.............

Surely NOT!!!?...........
I cannot - for the life of me - understand how satisfaction can be felt by such WHOLESALE CARNAGE!!!!
NO!!! Dear Reader..................... Nature CANNOT be improved upon....................
It's all part of a wonderful PLAN........that we can only hope to glimpse at times of great enlightenment (similar to what I had today behind a Hovver Mower).........
LEAVE these areas of UNSPOILT NATURAL BEAUTY..............!!!!!
Where NATURE can REIGN SUPREME!!!!
And for those with futile thoughts that they can tame her.....................
I would point them towards a very reputable product which would give them the desired look instantly........................ ASTROTURF!!!..............

Or as the BEATLES once said......................

"Let it Be!"...............

Tallyho!!

Best wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel Enjoys Unusual Spaghetti

Whatto! Everyone in consumerland!!.......

I'd like to warn you about a little-known product called "Unicorn Pink Spaghetti"............

A seemingly innocuous product I hear you say..............

....with a cute little Unicorn on the front of the packet..................

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!.................


And when the packet is open to reveal the contents..........................

you can immediately tell......................

......this is no ordinary spaghetti!!...........

But then again...................... that's exactly why I bought it in the first place.............



I wanted something a 'little different' ..........

For my special guests from Lithuania...............

But (I fear).....................

...............this is one meal they will NOT forget in a hurry!!

I served the spaghetti - as normal - on a large flat plate...........................

then I looked at one of my guests.................

and wondered if he had some kind of eating disorder!!

Then I looked at his wife..........................

........and wondered the same thing!.............

it was then!...................

That it HIT me!!......................


Apparently this particular variety of spaghetti.............

become VERY volitile when mixed with Bolognese sauce!!...........


Thwack!!...............
............as more exploded off the plate........................


Then THUD!!........................
as my guests hair became entangled still more!!................

SPLOSH!!.......................
And the final eruption hit me a sidelong glance as it headed for the door!!

Needless to say I was an extremely dissatisfied customer...............
and I wrote to the Customer Relations department (In China) ................
asking them what they proposed to do ....................
to rectify this dreadful situation..............
To their credit they acted swiftly...........
and within three weeks I had a reply to my letter.........
Offering my compensation in the form of.................
a years supply of Pink Spaghetti!!!
So............If you get invited round to the Manor - guess what's on the MENU!!
Tallyho!
best wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel Goes Fishing

Whatto! Once again everyone...............

I have recently partaken of the Sport of Kings!.................

YES!!............. FISHING!!!

Anything a King can do ......... a LORD can do!



I set myself up in an inconspicuous spot.................

away from pesky autograph hunters and the like...................


It was quite warm..................
.....so I got my TACKLE out!!............


Soon the sun was beaming down....................
.......and the ducks and geese were flapping about nearby.................

Some of the Geese had left me some lovely gifts....................
....so one had to be careful where one stood ..................or sat!...............

Soon the blighters started biting!!..............
So I covered myself in insect spray!...............
Then the first catch of the day!!!!...........


It took several of us to land it........................
It was a MONSTER!!!..........
..you can see here........it's bigger than a BOAT!!!!


Apparently they eat these!!!
Ghastly isn't it?...............

I also managed to catch one of these.....................
..........a DEADLY SNAKE-FISH!!!


But don't worry READERS!!!......
I have a way with FISH - as you may already know - and we came to a gentlemans agreement.......
....I let him go on his way.................


Content in the knowledge...................
..that I was.....again.......................
.........at ONE with NATURE!!!!


Then,as luck would have it............. Lady Jacqueline turned up from having lunch at the local pub.......................
..........just in time to CARRY my TACKLE!!!!

Har!! Har!!! .............What a Jolly Lovely Day!!!!
Tallyho everyone!!!
Best wishes - Lord Noel