Lord Noel Shouts "Forcepts!"

By Jove and What ho!

I was amazed to find a picture of my long lost uncle "Lord Forcepts Wonder" the other day!

He was quite a character ......... if the family historical library books are to be believed!

Apparently he was a hardened Poker player who spent alot of his spare time in seedy 'joints' - gambling away the family fortune.....................

"Nothing wrong with him so far" I can hear you saying.............

Incidentally - he was named 'Forcepts' by his diligent father who really wanted him to enter the medical profession.............

But his interests lay elsewhere.....................
Yes!!..................
The seedy underbellied world .................................. of...............................


Crisped potatos!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As a boy he had noticed a number of subtle changes taking place within society..............

His collection of rare crisp packets - for example - led him to realise that horizontal integration was a trend that was likely to have further impacts on him in the future.............

He was so intriged by what was happening within the business community that he wrote to the head office of this rapidly burgeoning company (who shared the same name as Lord Forcepts himself) and suggested some extra flavours that they could exploit - to completely demolish their current competition!!!!!!
One of his suggestions was taken on board by a temporary manager who was later committed to a nearby lunatic asylum................

Forcepts wrote to the company in due course ..............

Suggesting - (in his own inimitable style) - that they might consider him worthy of some small recompence for the valuable suggestions he had been sending them..........

The fact that these letters were written in his own handwriting - with a quill - using his own freshly spilled blood .................... should have given them a clue as to how to deal with this particular fan....................

Unfortunately they dismissed him as a mere crank and the letter they sent him in reply was very clear in this respect (or indeed lack of it!)..........

Lord Forcepts was devastated!!! (as you can imagine)........

Having dedicated his life to bringing together a vast collection of the World's most interesting crisp packets - he found himself abandoned by the company with whom he had most closely aligned himself......................

But he was - in the end - a man of great dignity ........................

and ......................great dignity................................

so.................... wishing to prove that he could not be undone........................

Lord Forcepts hired a hot air balloon and ...................... floating over the factory that he had once held in such high esteem......................

Pelted everyone below him with potatoes!! (Causing serious injuries to one or two innocent passer-bys)

He was last seen floating towards France shouting vague obscenities..............

.....and there have been sightings of him in various Casinos in the South of France - but none of them have ever been confirmed...................

If you ever happen to meet my Uncle - do send him my regards!

But whatever else you do .......................... don't offer him a crisp!

Families are facinating aren't they?

Tallyho! & Best wishes - Lord Noel