Lord Noel's Nuits Des Dechets

Hello everyone ...... and WELCOME!!

Every so often we invite personages of some note over to Virtual Manor to celebrate existence with us in some form or other.

Recently we were honoured with the presence of Countess Vagina Thrushetta and Count Hampton Ginormous on one of our periodic 'Nuits des dechets'.

We began the night in 'time-honoured' fashion with a beautiful rendition of 'She was only the fishmongers daughter - but she'd bend over and shout "fillet"' which was beautifully sung by the Countessa - as only she can.

It certainly brought tears to my eyes!

Shortly afterwards.................. when we had time to properly compose ourselves...............
we entered into the traditional 'Elf look-alike' competition.

I was confident that with my fully rehearsed Gollum - I would wipe the board.

I even had my victory speech ready and waiting for the gathering throng!

But I had severely underestimated the ability of our esteemed guests!

After only a few mere moments gathering her composure - the Countessa luanched into a tirade of Elf speak that would have put any star from the Lord of the Ringpieces to shame.....

I coud only stand and watch........ in utter amazement!

............ as she suddenly transmogrified herself into athe truest Elf one could ever wish for!!!

After that - there was spontaneous celebratory dancing with much grimacing and gesticulating!

During the furore - the Count suddenly produced his family tube and began a repertoir of sounds and noises that were uncanny to the human ear.......... indeed his great grandfather was imprisoned for twenty three months for attempting to do the same thing last century - in much less enlightened times!

Needless to say - the sounds were so lifelike that you could be forgiven for believing that at times there was actually a LION in the room with you!!

Lady jacqueline found this experience both envigorating and terrifying....................

........and after half an hour the Count had to be placated with an elastic band on which to complete a rendition of Latvian folk songs whilst everyone else took vital moments to regain their initial composure!

Then the wonderful Countessa envigiled us all with renditions of her latest poems about 'Sunshine' which included the classic 'The sunniest place I have ever lived was......'

All of which were accepted by the multitude with rapturous applause!

The meal (which is too elaborate to go into here) - and anyway is copyrighted by the excellent chef - (who refused to be photographed) - even when we said 'please! Gordon!!' in our nicest voices........................................

He just told us all to "Fuck Orf!"

(The man in a complete guter snipe - with absolutely NO respect for anyone superior to him - but nonetheless he CAN cook............. so we tolerate his company from time to time!)

The dessert itself was named 'Premature orgasm' and I may say that I had one all to myself!

We then had a surprise Guest appearance from non other than the esteemed televisual comic named 'Harry Hill'.

(Personally I've never heard of him - but he seemed prone to looking on the brighter side of life and had a slightly bizarre 'take' on reality which we all found quite endearing)

We then completed our petite foures which enabled us to savour the delights of the preceding interludes with justificational protuberances.

There then began the gift making ceremony!

Hurrah!

It's a part of the evening I am particluarly fond of and the gueats indulged me (yet again) by making a presentation of a rare Tibetan curse statue - which (it is said) can cure you of the common cold (not that WE would catch such a thing................. Har!)

....... if you are prepared to emulate it for several hours (to capture the true spirit of the object) and then sleep with it under your pillow on a full moon whilst reciting the following incantation:

"Beist that my snoz is fullest to the brim with snotacious fillament - I promise to commit the entire circumferance of my left buttock to the dutiful fairy Raymond in return for the fullest workings of my nasal appendage"

After reaching such a 'High Point' in the proceedings it was a 'fate accompli' that things would be vigorously tranmuted downhill after that!

We danced and sang in Paganic manner until the early hours until every one had fully satiated themselves and collapsed in the Zen room - complete at last!

It was by total accident (as I later told the Court) that I then came acros Harry again - this time squatting over our coveted water closet!

Only now he seems more resigned to see the baser things in life!

He told me (in confidence of course) that he'd never had such a CRUD NIGHT in his entire life!

I was understandably............................... very, very proud!!

Have a lovely time - whatever you're doing!

Trallah from all of us!

Best wishes - Lord Noel