Lord Noel Speaks Of Food

What ho! everyone again!

Just thought I'd rattle on about our old friend - food!

There are many restaurants in the world which I have had the misfortune to visit and some that are so elegant in their attire with a splendid ambiance to boot that I would happily refrequent their subdued interiors.

Here's my latest find - a little place in London offering fine cuisine at wonderfully inflated prices - and most importantly (in my view) - NO riffraff!!

They also have a resident photographer who is more than willing to record your evening for posterity - and photograph each course as it arrives!

(This one arrived on a small tricycle!)

The flavours were powerful and immediate - like a massive explosion going off on the tip of the tongue................

(Having eaten this particular dish I can offer you some advice on how to contend with the flavour of 'explosions going off on the tip of the tongue' - and thats to have a bloody big fire extinguisher nearby!)

I should admit (before we go any further) to having an unusual hereditary eating disorder!

This would rapidly become apparent - were we to be seated near to each other in a restaurant!

............but I simply LOVE FOOD!!

Of course I normally recognise food when it arrives - it's the stuff on the round things that the waiter keeps bringing to our table!

There are times when I simply cannot eat any more and in true generous style (which I should add here without reservation - is my 'second' nature) ..........I offer other assembled guests a sample of the food ......from myself!

This allows the throng to bond properly as a group and satisfies my own deep seated maternal urge that so many men these days fight shy of.......

Here you can see excited fellow diners gathering to feast on my offering of left-over creme brulee!

Until another ravishing course of splendid encumbance arrives and we each envelope its sumptuous flavours on our excited palates!

Is there no end to this madness?

Some flavours (I find) cannot be recreated by mere chefs and have to be found by a voyage of experimentation that can become both dangerous and courageous..............

Just as a great cook tries adding and subtracting spices and herbs to change the flavour of a great dish - I find myself searching out unique and powerful flavours of my own!

Soon after this photograph was taken I was given a sedative and the poor lady whose foot I had lunged at was given a Brandy and my telephone number...........

Some tastes simply cannot be replicated using ordinary foodstuffs and one has to take the leap into uncertainty and trust completely ones senses as our subconscious desire for true flavour takes over!

Take for example the humble sea-food paella............. there are many discourses on this particularly fine dish - extolling the hidden virtues of each ingredient.

The noted food critics take time and effort to describe in detail the subtle nuances that mingle on the tongue with such abandon............

To me............... it tastes like the rare and wonderful Fannyfish!

......... and I adore it!

Sometimes I have been known to get completely carried away with the dining experience and have to be calmed down before the next course is brought to the table.......

Why even Lady Jacqueline herself has a tried and trusted method for momentarily subduing my nourishmental desires......

She calls it the 'Finger in the mouth' method!

......... and it seems to work very well!

(If you are thinking of adopting this particular method I should advise you that it is important to know exactly where the finger has been immediately prior to insertion)

Sometimes eating is just a chance to gorge oneself completely!

Its at times like this that I tend to shout out "My names Mister Creosote! - Pass me the after eight mints!"

So Ladies and Gentlemen I would like to propose a toast!..............

".......TO FOOD"

................"and the way it plays with our mouths and minds!"

Tallyho everyone!!

Best wishes - Lord Noel!