Lord Noel Says "Mas Mojito Por Favor!"

Whatto once again my virtual friends!!

I must tell you all that I received a very urgent phonecall in the dead of night recently (last night to be exact) from a very dear friend who was worried that I might NOT be under the influence of alcohol......................!

She mentioned that she herself had recently partaken of a large quantity of the wonderful liquid refreshment named Mojito - aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! .............. the mere mention of this exquisite drink took me immediately back to my time in Cuba.................. helping out 'Old Fidel' (as he liked me to call him)..........

...... There were so many evenings when I would signal to the barman with a traditional 'thumbs up' sign - for him to refill my glass with a fresh mint and white rum concoction................

He would even satisfy my urges in the nearby jacuzzi....................

But - my dear reader - there are many things that (once under the influence of this fine mixture) you should NEVER attempt!.............

For example!...............

Any lighting of Cuban cigars must be done with the utmost care - always making sure that the lighted end is AWAY from the sensitive lip area.............

Do NOT atempt to Salsa with any of the local inhabitants - not matter HOW irresistable they may seem............. The resulting pile of intertwined bodies is not a pretty sight....................

NEVER attempt to try to teach horses to swim - no matter how good an idea this may seem at the time.............. A wet horse can be very short tempered..................

NEVER wear leotards and panama hats in public or hang around with people who do...........

..................NEVER attempt to become over-familiar with the locals.....................

...........and NEVER............. EVER.............. EVER............... play 'My WAY!' on the pianoforte..........

No matter how much the crowd shout for 'MORE!'.............!!!

No................. instead dear reader ....... Find yourself a good, fully trained, local Nurse who can slowly wean you off the Mojitos and onto something less vegetational............... like frozen Margaritas for example...............

Here's a warning of what could easily happen to YOU!...............

This shot was taken at the Airport where an astute Cuban customs official - recognising in me the telltale signs of Mojito abuse................ you can see that he manages to extract Pure Mohjito juice from my left ear .............

DON'T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU DEAR READER!!!



JUST SAY "NO"!!!!

(......and that'll leave alot more for the rest of us!!)

Har har!!

Tallyho everyone!!

Best wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel At A Pensioners Party

Well hello again everyone!

Lord Fanjita Pubis with and Marquis of Follicle and his manfriend Cyril

I just thought I'd tell you about a recent celebratory function held here at Virtual Manor.........

A local upstanding and well-respected member of the community had come to the end of his tether and been pensioned orf!

Below are an assortment of images from the evenings festivities which was enjoyed by all and sundry................

Unfortunately the long haired chapie in the purple outfit had to be thrown out later in the evening ........................... for excessive gesticulations!!!!........... Disgusting!!

 
Baron Von Humperdink

Baroness Wilameena Futtle and her two maids in waiting

Lady Boozer-Heron (9 feet tall) and her two smaller associates

Dame Julie Andrews

Countessa Rubylips and her Consort - Viscount Throbworthy

Lady Green-Feathers (Unplucked)

Sister Muncher de Carpet from the Greek Convent of "Christ Almighty!" (on Lesbos) & The Internationally reknowned Hip-op Artist Hippedy Hoppidy Hilary

Lady Ima Thirsty (with ladies in waiting)

Countessa Rok-Chic with Baroness Marlboro-Lite

Baron Von Stemfeeler und Baroness Aretha Franklin (Foreground)

Viscounts & Viscountessas of the Von Stalham family

Sir Jon 'yewkantbeserius' Makinrow, The Marquis of Follicle and Laird McFly

Countessa Rok-Chic & Dame Lightening-Forehead

Lady McSpreader & The Marquis of Follicle

Two of the Von Stalham Countessas - looking fabulously radiant

Baron Von Stemfeeler und Professor Localtramp

Baroness Aretha Franklin

Viscount Glamex and his servant Igor

Lady Boozer-Heron (kneeling) & Miss Pinkerton-Fluffy (definately NOT lesbians)

The Duke of Jupiter and Countessa Rok-Chic

Sister Muncher de Carpet on balalika

Laird McFly on drugs (mainly headache tablets)

Lady Chatterly, The Marquis of Follicle & The Duke of Earl

Viscount Chocolate-Biscuit & Countessa Nozzle-Tweeker

Baron Von Slash & HRH Noddy Holder

The assembled throng in 'air guitar' mode

The Duke of Hairpiece & his wife The Duchess of Murkin with their friends Andy McNab (SAS) and Corporal Punishment (off duty)

Senior Banco De Virgin gets air guitar lessons from The Marquis

Ayotollah Tripod and his three wives - Meefurst, Meenext and Meelarst

Just some of the Gorgeous crowd!

Dancing away the night to the sounds of the 70's!

Thanks to everyone who made it such a success!!

with Whatto!
&
Best wishes - Lord Noel

Lord Noel Does Some Spontaneous Songwriting

Hello & Whatto to all and sundry!!

Welcome to my latest missive from Virtual Manor............

Those of you who know me will also be unsurprised by the fact that I consider myself at one with nature.............

Most days i can be found walking round the lanes that run through our rural idyll without a care in the world!.................

I was out walking the other day and the sights I saw inspired me to rush back to the Pianoforte and knock out a little ditty.....................

I hope you like it...........................


Obviously you wont have the benefit of hearing me sing..... so you may like to enjoy it purely on a poetic level.................

'Nature' - By Lord Noel

Oh Nature you're a wonderous lass!

you're smacking humans on the ass

with sights that bring the heart to brimming full.

The squirrels that race up the tree

and wag their tails and take a pee

way high above the pigeon and the gull.

And of them all - the ones with guts

are Great tits swinging on my nuts

they make me laugh and giggle till I'm ill.

Tally ho!

I shall be placing this song (amongst others) on my greatest hits CD which should be available in the Autumn.

Best wishes to you all - Lord Noel

Lord Noel Has Thoughts Of Sunshine

Whatto lovely readers!!

Around about this time of year - my mind strays towards thoughts of summer and sunshine......

......like "Where the blazes is it?!"

Having just returned from 6 weeks in Tenerife I must say that lil old England does take it's bally time to get warm doesn't it?!

One of the benefits of warmer days is the filling of the family jacuzzi............


With lots of lovely warm bubbly water........................... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!

Such an exquisite pleasure!!

To enjoy the cool clear skies at night with a nice glass of chilled Champers!!

But there has to be some standards about the whole thing...............

That's why I insist on a proper dress code.............. to avoid embarassment etc.........

Oh yes - one simply must dress appropriately.

That's why I insist on wearing.................... my bow tie!!

Whattoooooooo!! Tallyho for now!! Keep it wet!!!!

Best wishes - Lord noel

Lord Noel Relives the 70's

What ho!

....and hello again virtual readers!! I hope you are all in fine fettle!!

Last night was spent re-living the youth of a young Lord Noel - who during that fine decade made some major decisions about his future...............

That was 26 years ago...........
.......... and the youth is now an older and wiser man.....................

............with the whole world as his oyster!

................and a real love of seafood!!

Incriminating photos will no doubt be posted here soon................

Tallyho!
Best wishes - Lord Noel